yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
