I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
