Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
