wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
