I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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