We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
