We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My pussy is not your playground.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
