I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
