Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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