Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
