I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
