Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
