She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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