weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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