I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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