you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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