I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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