Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
