I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
