he shaved USA in his pubs
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"