just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.