I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!