Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.