God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I believe in your delicious
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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