Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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