Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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