Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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