I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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