i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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