my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
