Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
