Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
