i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
