Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
