I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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