The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
