She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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