Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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