there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
