the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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