Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
