I want to make a zoo with you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
