I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
