i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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