So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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