'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
