if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
