shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
