my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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