do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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