Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
