If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
