Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
