You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
