Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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