you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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