I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
