i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
