Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
