Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
