woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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