i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
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He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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