I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
