is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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