come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
